I’m really disappointed in your decision to not award me because in all honesty I believe I am the best and brightest in your pool of candidates. My sense of entitlement comes from my firm knowledge of having paid big dues in proving my commitment to serving the public, strong leadership potential, exceptional academic merit and financial need; all factors you say I need to have. You even invited me to interview for 15-20 minutes, to prove this case and on all points I am confident that I did a superior job. After three weeks of not knowing and wondering and maybe a little internal boastfulness, I thought I was a shoe in. But you thought otherwise.
Now I postulate about what made you come to the conclusion that I was not scholarship material. WAs it because I have nearly 10 years of professional experience doing exactly waht you claim to provide? Could it be that I was already doing the work you wanted to teach me? I could maybe understand that. Equity considerations lead me to think, if she doesn’t need it then it should go to someone who does. Perhaps I didn’t convey better my need. It may be a little too late for this, but in all honesty, my ego needs to put it out there.
I have never in my life been a recipient of charity. I have earned every ounce of respect I am due through my own sweat and dilligence. I am a little butt hurt that your decision has lead me to wonder my worth. Bottomline, as a single income family struggling to get ourselves on our feet by obtaining degrees that open the door to our long term sustainability, I sorta feel like no one deserves this break more than I. Three g’s would have gone a long way this year and would have totally validated my experience as I bust my ASS trying to do full time everything: work, school, family, and community. Once again I feel that aching sense that all of it is not enough. A lingering feeling that I admit is my personal hang up.
While my relationship to my faith has prepared me enough to realize that I am not defined by others’ validation, I am still human and as such am totally imperfect. This kinda shook me, which is now going to send me to sleep angry and questioning shit I know I should be confident about.
Vanessa
